I just want to go outside and enjoy the weather..... writing is for later!
Tuesday, 30 June 2015
Monday, 29 June 2015
15 Foods That Help You Stay Hydrated
These high-water-content foods are refreshing, filled with nutrients, and naturally low in calories. (part 2)
9) Spinach
Water content: 91.4% water
Iceberg lettuce may have a higher water content, but spinach is usually a better bet overall. Piling raw spinach leaves on your sandwich or salad provides nearly as much built-in hydration, with an added nutritional punch.
Spinach is rich in lutein, potassium, fiber, and brain-boosting folate, and just one cup of raw leaves contains 15% of your daily intake of vitamin E—an important antioxidant for fighting off the damaging molecules known as free radicals.
10) Star fruit
Water content: 91.4% water
This tropical fruit, also known as carambola, comes in sweet and tart varieties and has a juicy texture similar to pineapple. Its eye-catching shape looks great in a fruit salad or as an edible garnish on the rim of a summer cocktail, and as an added bonus it's rich in antioxidants, especially epicatechin—a heart-healthy compound also found in red wine, dark chocolate, and green tea.
One note of caution: People with kidney problems should avoid star fruit because of its high levels of oxalic acid.
11) Strawberries
Water content: 91.0%
All berries are good foods for hydration, but juicy red strawberries are easily the best of the bunch. Raspberries and blueberries both hover around 85% water, while blackberries are only slightly better at 88.2%.
"I love strawberries blended in a smoothie or mixed with plain nonfat yoghurt—another hydrating food," Gans says. Strawberries add natural sweetness to the yoghurt, she adds, and the combo of carbohydrates, fiber, and protein make a great post-workout recovery snack.
12) Broccoli
Water content: 90.7%
Like its cousin cauliflower, raw broccoli adds a satisfying crunch to a salad. But its nutritional profile—lots of fiber, potassium, vitamin A, and vitamin C—is slightly more impressive. What's more, broccoli is the only cruciferous vegetable (a category that contains cabbage and kale, in addition to cauliflower) with a significant amount of sulforaphane, a potent compound that boosts the body's protective enzymes and flushes out cancer-causing chemicals.
13) Grapefruit
Water content: 90.5%
This juicy, tangy citrus fruit can help lower cholesterol and shrink your waistline, research suggests. In one study, people who ate one grapefruit a day lowered their bad (LDL) cholesterol by 15.5% and their triglycerides by 27%. In another, eating half a grapefruit—roughly 40 calories—before each meal helped dieters lose about three and a half pounds over 12 weeks. Researchers say that compounds in the fruit help fuel fat burn and stabilize blood sugar, therefore helping to reduce cravings.
14) Baby carrots
Water content: 90.4%
A carrot's a carrot, right? Not when it comes to water content. As it turns out, the baby-sized carrots that have become a staple in supermarkets and lunch boxes contain more water than full-size carrots (which are merely 88.3% water).
The ready-to-eat convenience factor is hard to top, as well. Snack on them right out of the bag, dip them in hummus or guacamole, or—for a bit of added crunch and bright orange colour—chop them up and add them to salads or salsas.
15) Cantaloupe
Water content: 90.2%
This succulent melon provides a big nutritional payoff for very few calories. One six-ounce serving—about one-quarter of a melon—contains just 50 calories but delivers a full 100% of your recommended daily intake of vitamins A and C.
"I love cantaloupe as a dessert," Gans says. "If you've got a sweet tooth, it will definitely satisfy." Tired of plain old raw fruit? Blend cantaloupe with yogurt and freeze it into sherbet, or puree it with orange juice and mint to make a refreshing soup.
Enjoy your summer with these "water eating" tips!
Source
9) Spinach
Water content: 91.4% water
Iceberg lettuce may have a higher water content, but spinach is usually a better bet overall. Piling raw spinach leaves on your sandwich or salad provides nearly as much built-in hydration, with an added nutritional punch.
Spinach is rich in lutein, potassium, fiber, and brain-boosting folate, and just one cup of raw leaves contains 15% of your daily intake of vitamin E—an important antioxidant for fighting off the damaging molecules known as free radicals.
10) Star fruit
Water content: 91.4% water
This tropical fruit, also known as carambola, comes in sweet and tart varieties and has a juicy texture similar to pineapple. Its eye-catching shape looks great in a fruit salad or as an edible garnish on the rim of a summer cocktail, and as an added bonus it's rich in antioxidants, especially epicatechin—a heart-healthy compound also found in red wine, dark chocolate, and green tea.
One note of caution: People with kidney problems should avoid star fruit because of its high levels of oxalic acid.
11) Strawberries
Water content: 91.0%
All berries are good foods for hydration, but juicy red strawberries are easily the best of the bunch. Raspberries and blueberries both hover around 85% water, while blackberries are only slightly better at 88.2%.
"I love strawberries blended in a smoothie or mixed with plain nonfat yoghurt—another hydrating food," Gans says. Strawberries add natural sweetness to the yoghurt, she adds, and the combo of carbohydrates, fiber, and protein make a great post-workout recovery snack.
12) Broccoli
Water content: 90.7%
Like its cousin cauliflower, raw broccoli adds a satisfying crunch to a salad. But its nutritional profile—lots of fiber, potassium, vitamin A, and vitamin C—is slightly more impressive. What's more, broccoli is the only cruciferous vegetable (a category that contains cabbage and kale, in addition to cauliflower) with a significant amount of sulforaphane, a potent compound that boosts the body's protective enzymes and flushes out cancer-causing chemicals.
13) Grapefruit
Water content: 90.5%
This juicy, tangy citrus fruit can help lower cholesterol and shrink your waistline, research suggests. In one study, people who ate one grapefruit a day lowered their bad (LDL) cholesterol by 15.5% and their triglycerides by 27%. In another, eating half a grapefruit—roughly 40 calories—before each meal helped dieters lose about three and a half pounds over 12 weeks. Researchers say that compounds in the fruit help fuel fat burn and stabilize blood sugar, therefore helping to reduce cravings.
14) Baby carrots
Water content: 90.4%
A carrot's a carrot, right? Not when it comes to water content. As it turns out, the baby-sized carrots that have become a staple in supermarkets and lunch boxes contain more water than full-size carrots (which are merely 88.3% water).
The ready-to-eat convenience factor is hard to top, as well. Snack on them right out of the bag, dip them in hummus or guacamole, or—for a bit of added crunch and bright orange colour—chop them up and add them to salads or salsas.
15) Cantaloupe
Water content: 90.2%
This succulent melon provides a big nutritional payoff for very few calories. One six-ounce serving—about one-quarter of a melon—contains just 50 calories but delivers a full 100% of your recommended daily intake of vitamins A and C.
"I love cantaloupe as a dessert," Gans says. "If you've got a sweet tooth, it will definitely satisfy." Tired of plain old raw fruit? Blend cantaloupe with yogurt and freeze it into sherbet, or puree it with orange juice and mint to make a refreshing soup.
Enjoy your summer with these "water eating" tips!
Source
15 Foods That Help You Stay Hydrated
These high-water-content foods are refreshing, filled with nutrients, and naturally low in calories.
Eat your water
According to the old rule of thumb, you're supposed to drink eight glasses of water per day (and some experts recommend even more). That can seem like a daunting task on some days, but here's the catch: You don't have to drink all that water. Roughly 20% of our daily H2O intake comes from solid foods, especially fruits and vegetables.
It's still important to drink plenty of water—especially in the summertime—but you can also quench your thirst with these 15 hugely hydrating foods, all of which are at least 90% water by weight.
1) Cucumber
Water content: 96.7%
This summer veggie—which has the highest water content of any solid food—is perfect in salads, or sliced up and served with some hummus, says Keri Gans, RD, author of The Small Change Diet: 10 Steps to a Thinner and Healthier You and a consultant to Mindbloom, a technology company that makes life-improvement apps.
Want to pump up cucumber's hydrating power even more? Try blending it with nonfat yogurt, mint, and ice cubes to make cucumber soup. "Soup is always hydrating, but you may not want to eat something hot in the summertime," Gans says. "Chilled cucumber soup, on the other hand, is so refreshing and delicious any time of year."
2) Iceberg lettuce
Water content: 95.6%
Iceberg lettuce tends to get a bad rap, nutrition-wise. Health experts often recommend shunning it in favour of darker greens like spinach or romaine lettuce, which contain higher amounts of fiber and nutrients such as folate and vitamin K. It's a different story when it comes to water content, though: Crispy iceberg has the highest of any lettuce, followed by butterhead, green leaf, and romaine varieties.
So when the temperature rises, pile iceberg onto sandwiches or use it as a bed for a healthy chicken salad. Even better: Ditch the tortillas and hamburger buns and use iceberg leaves as a wrap for tacos and burgers.
3) Celery
Water content: 95.4%
That urban legend about celery having negative calories isn't quite true, but it's pretty close. Like all foods that are high in water, celery has very few calories—just 6 calories per stalk. And its one-two punch of fiber and water helps to fill you up and curb your appetite.
This lightweight veggie isn't short on nutrition, however. Celery contains folate and vitamins A, C, and K. And thanks in part to its high water content, celery neutralizes stomach acid and is often recommended as a natural remedy for heartburn and acid reflux.
4) Radishes
Water content: 95.3%
These refreshing root vegetables should be a fixture in your spring and summer salads. They provide a burst of spicy-sweet flavour—and colour!—in a small package, and more importantly they're filled with antioxidants such as catechin (also found in green tea).
A crunchy texture also makes radishes a perfect addition to healthy summer coleslaw—no mayo required. Slice them up with shredded cabbage and carrots, sliced snow peas, and chopped hazelnuts and parsley, and toss with poppy seeds, lemon juice, olive oil, salt, and pepper.
5) Tomatoes
Water content: 94.5%
Sliced and diced tomatoes will always be a mainstay of salads, sauces, and sandwiches, but don't forget about sweet cherry and grape varieties, which make an excellent hydrating snack, Gans says. "They're great to just pop in your mouth, maybe with some nuts or some low-sodium cheese," she says. "You get this great explosion of flavor when you bite into them."
Having friends over? Skewer grape tomatoes, basil leaves, and small chunks of mozzarella on toothpicks for a quick and easy appetizer.
6) Green peppers
Water content: 93.9%
Bell peppers of all shades have a high water content, but green peppers lead the pack, just edging out the red and yellow varieties (which are about 92% water). And contrary to popular belief, green peppers contain just as many antioxidants as their slightly sweeter siblings.
Peppers are a great pre-dinner or late-night snack, Gans says. "We tell people to munch on veggies when they have a craving, but a lot of people get bored of carrots and celery pretty quickly," she says. "Peppers are great to slice up when you get home from work, while you're making or waiting for dinner."
7) Cauliflower
Water content: 92.1%
Don't let cauliflower's pale complexion fool you: In addition to having lots of water, these unassuming florets are packed with vitamins and phytonutrients that have been shown to help lower cholesterol and fight cancer, including breast cancer. (A 2012 study of breast cancer patients by Vanderbilt University researchers found that eating cruciferous veggies like cauliflower was associated with a lower risk of dying from the disease or seeing a recurrence.)
"Break them up and add them to a salad for a satisfying crunch," Gans suggests. "You can even skip the croutons!"
8) Watermelon
Water content: 91.5% water
It's fairly obvious that watermelon is full of, well, water, but this juicy melon is also among the richest sources of lycopene, a cancer-fighting antioxidant found in red fruits and vegetables. In fact, watermelon contains more lycopene than raw tomatoes—about 12 milligrams per wedge, versus 3 milligrams per medium-sized tomato.
Although this melon is plenty hydrating on its own, Gans loves to mix it with water in the summertime. "Keep a water pitcher in the fridge with watermelon cubes in the bottom," she says. "It's really refreshing, and great incentive to drink more water overall."
This is part 1 of hydration 15 foods, in the next post you find the other 7 foods.
Enjoy!
Source
Eat your water
According to the old rule of thumb, you're supposed to drink eight glasses of water per day (and some experts recommend even more). That can seem like a daunting task on some days, but here's the catch: You don't have to drink all that water. Roughly 20% of our daily H2O intake comes from solid foods, especially fruits and vegetables.
It's still important to drink plenty of water—especially in the summertime—but you can also quench your thirst with these 15 hugely hydrating foods, all of which are at least 90% water by weight.
1) Cucumber
Water content: 96.7%
This summer veggie—which has the highest water content of any solid food—is perfect in salads, or sliced up and served with some hummus, says Keri Gans, RD, author of The Small Change Diet: 10 Steps to a Thinner and Healthier You and a consultant to Mindbloom, a technology company that makes life-improvement apps.
Want to pump up cucumber's hydrating power even more? Try blending it with nonfat yogurt, mint, and ice cubes to make cucumber soup. "Soup is always hydrating, but you may not want to eat something hot in the summertime," Gans says. "Chilled cucumber soup, on the other hand, is so refreshing and delicious any time of year."
2) Iceberg lettuce
Water content: 95.6%
Iceberg lettuce tends to get a bad rap, nutrition-wise. Health experts often recommend shunning it in favour of darker greens like spinach or romaine lettuce, which contain higher amounts of fiber and nutrients such as folate and vitamin K. It's a different story when it comes to water content, though: Crispy iceberg has the highest of any lettuce, followed by butterhead, green leaf, and romaine varieties.
So when the temperature rises, pile iceberg onto sandwiches or use it as a bed for a healthy chicken salad. Even better: Ditch the tortillas and hamburger buns and use iceberg leaves as a wrap for tacos and burgers.
3) Celery
Water content: 95.4%
That urban legend about celery having negative calories isn't quite true, but it's pretty close. Like all foods that are high in water, celery has very few calories—just 6 calories per stalk. And its one-two punch of fiber and water helps to fill you up and curb your appetite.
This lightweight veggie isn't short on nutrition, however. Celery contains folate and vitamins A, C, and K. And thanks in part to its high water content, celery neutralizes stomach acid and is often recommended as a natural remedy for heartburn and acid reflux.
4) Radishes
Water content: 95.3%
These refreshing root vegetables should be a fixture in your spring and summer salads. They provide a burst of spicy-sweet flavour—and colour!—in a small package, and more importantly they're filled with antioxidants such as catechin (also found in green tea).
A crunchy texture also makes radishes a perfect addition to healthy summer coleslaw—no mayo required. Slice them up with shredded cabbage and carrots, sliced snow peas, and chopped hazelnuts and parsley, and toss with poppy seeds, lemon juice, olive oil, salt, and pepper.
5) Tomatoes
Water content: 94.5%
Sliced and diced tomatoes will always be a mainstay of salads, sauces, and sandwiches, but don't forget about sweet cherry and grape varieties, which make an excellent hydrating snack, Gans says. "They're great to just pop in your mouth, maybe with some nuts or some low-sodium cheese," she says. "You get this great explosion of flavor when you bite into them."
Having friends over? Skewer grape tomatoes, basil leaves, and small chunks of mozzarella on toothpicks for a quick and easy appetizer.
6) Green peppers
Water content: 93.9%
Bell peppers of all shades have a high water content, but green peppers lead the pack, just edging out the red and yellow varieties (which are about 92% water). And contrary to popular belief, green peppers contain just as many antioxidants as their slightly sweeter siblings.
Peppers are a great pre-dinner or late-night snack, Gans says. "We tell people to munch on veggies when they have a craving, but a lot of people get bored of carrots and celery pretty quickly," she says. "Peppers are great to slice up when you get home from work, while you're making or waiting for dinner."
7) Cauliflower
Water content: 92.1%
Don't let cauliflower's pale complexion fool you: In addition to having lots of water, these unassuming florets are packed with vitamins and phytonutrients that have been shown to help lower cholesterol and fight cancer, including breast cancer. (A 2012 study of breast cancer patients by Vanderbilt University researchers found that eating cruciferous veggies like cauliflower was associated with a lower risk of dying from the disease or seeing a recurrence.)
"Break them up and add them to a salad for a satisfying crunch," Gans suggests. "You can even skip the croutons!"
8) Watermelon
Water content: 91.5% water
It's fairly obvious that watermelon is full of, well, water, but this juicy melon is also among the richest sources of lycopene, a cancer-fighting antioxidant found in red fruits and vegetables. In fact, watermelon contains more lycopene than raw tomatoes—about 12 milligrams per wedge, versus 3 milligrams per medium-sized tomato.
Although this melon is plenty hydrating on its own, Gans loves to mix it with water in the summertime. "Keep a water pitcher in the fridge with watermelon cubes in the bottom," she says. "It's really refreshing, and great incentive to drink more water overall."
This is part 1 of hydration 15 foods, in the next post you find the other 7 foods.
Enjoy!
Source
Friday, 26 June 2015
Want To Be Happier? 10 Questions To Ask Yourself Right Now
How to boost your mood, STAT.
Think fast: Are you happy? If not, there’s some good news: According to Elizabeth R. Lombardo PhD, happiness—just like a new sport—is a skill that can be mastered. The author of Better Than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You Love and TEDxTalk presenter shares her 10 (quick!) check-ins that can help you flex your happiness muscle. Ask yourself these questions today and walk away with long-lasting, mood-boosting strategies and a new POV, just in time for the weekend. (Good timing, no?)
What do I admire in others?
What you admire in others is an indication of what you value in yourself. When you apply your values into your life, the result is greater happiness.
How can I move more?
Exercise reduces stress hormones. And here’s the good news: There’s no need to go to the gym for an hour a day; any type of movement is beneficial. For an even greater mood boost, exercise outdoors in the fresh air.
Who do I care about?
So often, we put our relationships on the back burner so we can focus on work, but spending time with people (especially happy people) can help us experience more joy.
What do I appreciate?
Gratitude is one of the quickest and most effective ways of boosting your happiness. Take time to identify who and what you appreciate.
Do I want to be right or happy?
When you interact with others, do you focus more on being right or enjoying your time together? The latter will help you be happier.
Am I more motivated by fear or passion?
Fear entails judgement, focusing on what’s wrong, resentment, anger, guilt and shame. Passion, on the other hand, is based on optimism, empowerment, gratitude and a deep desire to focus on what you want to create to make things even better. Try to start each day and task from a place of passion rather than fear.
Am I a perfectionist?
Being a perfectionist can significantly deplete your happiness. While the motivation behind your mindset is positive (to achieve excellence), perfectionism is riddled with harsh judgment for yourself and others.
Do I positively impact others?
When you volunteer, or even just hold the door open for someone, you feel a sense of connection and contribution. The key is not to go overboard by focusing only on other people’s needs and failing to address your own.
How can I incorporate more quality down time?
An important part of being happy is taking time to decompress. And this doesn’t mean you spend an hour each night on Facebook. Meditation is a great way to calm your mind as is getting quality sleep.
Where am I directing my focus?
So often, we are focusing on the past in a state of regret or worrying about the future, both of which can deplete our happiness levels. Try being more present. And when you do think about the past, forgive what took place and use tough experiences as learning opportunities. When thinking about the future, focus on what you want to have happen.
Source
Think fast: Are you happy? If not, there’s some good news: According to Elizabeth R. Lombardo PhD, happiness—just like a new sport—is a skill that can be mastered. The author of Better Than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You Love and TEDxTalk presenter shares her 10 (quick!) check-ins that can help you flex your happiness muscle. Ask yourself these questions today and walk away with long-lasting, mood-boosting strategies and a new POV, just in time for the weekend. (Good timing, no?)
What do I admire in others?
What you admire in others is an indication of what you value in yourself. When you apply your values into your life, the result is greater happiness.
How can I move more?
Exercise reduces stress hormones. And here’s the good news: There’s no need to go to the gym for an hour a day; any type of movement is beneficial. For an even greater mood boost, exercise outdoors in the fresh air.
Who do I care about?
So often, we put our relationships on the back burner so we can focus on work, but spending time with people (especially happy people) can help us experience more joy.
What do I appreciate?
Gratitude is one of the quickest and most effective ways of boosting your happiness. Take time to identify who and what you appreciate.
Do I want to be right or happy?
When you interact with others, do you focus more on being right or enjoying your time together? The latter will help you be happier.
Am I more motivated by fear or passion?
Fear entails judgement, focusing on what’s wrong, resentment, anger, guilt and shame. Passion, on the other hand, is based on optimism, empowerment, gratitude and a deep desire to focus on what you want to create to make things even better. Try to start each day and task from a place of passion rather than fear.
Am I a perfectionist?
Being a perfectionist can significantly deplete your happiness. While the motivation behind your mindset is positive (to achieve excellence), perfectionism is riddled with harsh judgment for yourself and others.
Do I positively impact others?
When you volunteer, or even just hold the door open for someone, you feel a sense of connection and contribution. The key is not to go overboard by focusing only on other people’s needs and failing to address your own.
How can I incorporate more quality down time?
An important part of being happy is taking time to decompress. And this doesn’t mean you spend an hour each night on Facebook. Meditation is a great way to calm your mind as is getting quality sleep.
Where am I directing my focus?
So often, we are focusing on the past in a state of regret or worrying about the future, both of which can deplete our happiness levels. Try being more present. And when you do think about the past, forgive what took place and use tough experiences as learning opportunities. When thinking about the future, focus on what you want to have happen.
Source
Thursday, 25 June 2015
Shift Your Focus - The Power of Questions
Tony Robbins shows in a few minutes how you can use questions to shift you focus. It's worth it!
How to Stop Self-Sabotage Behaviour
5 tips to get you out of your own way
A talkative mouse, a rat, and a small shrew were trapped in a flood, desperately clinging to the side of a lily pad - and sinking fast! A helpful owl came to their rescue, first telling the rat to clamp its teeth onto its talons as the owl flew to safety and then returning for the shrew, who received similar instructions. Finally, as the tides rose ever higher, the owl came back for our talkative mouse.
"You are rescued and will live!" said the owl. "But I've noticed you talk a lot. Promise me you'll keep your mouth closed around my legs and on no account open it, or you'll fall to your fate!"
"Of course!" said the mouse, who proceeded to clamp his mouth onto his feathered rescuer's landing gear.
They took off and flew across the floods. The owl was about to land on some high ground, but the mouse decided he wanted to alight some other place to get dry.
"Not there..." shouted the mouse, but those were the last words he ever spoke as he fell into the swirling waters below.
We can all laugh at such a silly tale because we never behave in such self-destructive ways, do we? Of course we do - although perhaps not as obviously - but why?
The main reasons for self-sabotaging behaviour
Okay, the mouse's behaviour came from ignorance and heedlessness; he just didn't think. But we mess things up for ourselves in other ways, too - and for other reasons, which include:
But surely if people know they are doing this, they wouldn't do it!
So is sabotaging ourselves an unconscious affliction?
People seldom mean to sabotage themselves. It's not generally a conscious decision to spoil things - and that's a problem. We can be left with the feeling: "Why did I do that?!" Many of our emotional drivers remain unconscious, which is why chronic self-saboteurs will often use conscious justification (or what seem like excuses) to explain why they had to:
Yell at their professor and get kicked off the course.
Break off contact with a friend who was about to offer them a great job.
End a promising relationship.
Early learning - or should I say mis-learning - can create the habit of self-sabotage and 'things going right' may seem like a scary and foreign country. If you feel you are prone to this sort of behaviour, then these tips may well help you (as long as you let them).
1) Observe yourself
Forget justifying why you did (or didn't do) this or that; just watch yourself. The adage "don't listen to what people say, but watch what they do" to see what they're really like can be applied to yourself equally well. Imagine you're someone else whose behaviour you're watching. Ask yourself: "What did I do there?" and "What was driving it?" Was it fear, spite, the need to be in control (even if that control is related to making things fail), the need for excitement through conflict, or the desire for attention through sympathy?
One client who did this realized that he had been unconsciously reluctant to earn more than his (bullying) father had done when he was alive: "As if I couldn't betray him by being better off than he had been." This realization helped him overcome this limiting belief once he had observed it operating within himself. He decided to actually ignore it until the old compulsion not to succeed became a faint whisper, then died away all together.
What do you sabotage and how? Get to 'know the machine'. Seeing your own behaviour more clearly has nothing to do with over-applied self-blame, but rather being more objective.
2) Remember that success isn't black or white
Strongly imagine (and get into the habit of strongly imagining) what true success will be like, because it may be different from what you'd been unconsciously assuming. Successful relationships, for example, don't work well all of the time; earning good money doesn't solve all problems. Success isn't black or white; it's all relative. So remember that becoming successful (in whatever way) won't feel so strange when it happens, because it is a natural part of being human - but the idea of success may feel strange.
3) Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater
People often self-sabotage because of perfectionism - if it isn't perfect, then what's the point? You may have heard about recent research (1) which showed that people on strict diets, trying to lose weight, will more likely overeat if they feel they have veered off their diet even slightly: "What the hell, I've blown it now. I might as well completely binge!" People not on diets don't do this so much. So if you have a little setback or mini-failure, consciously stop yourself from throwing it all away and seeing the 'whole thing as just ruined' and then really ruining it.
4) Think beyond yourself
Most of us don't like to consider ourselves as selfish, but it is also true to say (not from a judgemental perspective; more of an observational one) that self-sabotage ruins stuff for others and is therefore a selfish behaviour. People so often deny they are behaving selfishly because they don't intend to be selfish. But behaviour is behaviour.
So the lover who feels compelled to end a great relationship hurts another, the co-worker who sabotages a project scuppers it for everyone else, the father who sabotages financial opportunities spoils the chance of a better standard of living for his family, and so on. Once we get into the habit of seeing the needs of the wider group rather than just our own emotional impulses, it actually becomes harder to sabotage situations.
5) Explore life
All of life is an exploration. Imagine if Cinderella had decided she really couldn't go to the ball, even when she had the opportunity; or if the ugly duckling had concluded it wasn't 'good enough' to fly high with the swans. Being open to life means seeing where certain experiences will take you and accepting openly the good as well as the bad. Of course, if something really isn't working or it genuinely isn't for you, that's fine; but if it's really a reluctance to explore life and to experience the good and healthy, then it is an area that needs some self-work.
The mouse in our story failed to observe the bigger picture when he felt compelled to talk, but you're not a mouse (I'm presuming) - so you shouldn't live like one.
1)Research by Janet Polivy and colleagues at the University of Toronto (Polivy et al., 2010) found that in experiments, it turned out that those who were on a diet and thought they'd blown their limit ate more cookies than those who weren't on a diet. In fact, over 50% more! This is an example of self-sabotage as a result of perceived 'failure', which hadn't been that bad anyway.
Source
"Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn't happen."
~ Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby
A talkative mouse, a rat, and a small shrew were trapped in a flood, desperately clinging to the side of a lily pad - and sinking fast! A helpful owl came to their rescue, first telling the rat to clamp its teeth onto its talons as the owl flew to safety and then returning for the shrew, who received similar instructions. Finally, as the tides rose ever higher, the owl came back for our talkative mouse.
"You are rescued and will live!" said the owl. "But I've noticed you talk a lot. Promise me you'll keep your mouth closed around my legs and on no account open it, or you'll fall to your fate!"
"Of course!" said the mouse, who proceeded to clamp his mouth onto his feathered rescuer's landing gear.
They took off and flew across the floods. The owl was about to land on some high ground, but the mouse decided he wanted to alight some other place to get dry.
"Not there..." shouted the mouse, but those were the last words he ever spoke as he fell into the swirling waters below.
We can all laugh at such a silly tale because we never behave in such self-destructive ways, do we? Of course we do - although perhaps not as obviously - but why?
The main reasons for self-sabotaging behaviour
Okay, the mouse's behaviour came from ignorance and heedlessness; he just didn't think. But we mess things up for ourselves in other ways, too - and for other reasons, which include:
- The familiarity of 'failure'. Maybe we're so used to situations not working out or to being around 'dysfunctional people' that it feels easier to 'put a spanner in the works' by behaving in some way that either worsens or destroys something promising - a kind of 'better the devil you know'.
- An unconscious need to be in control. If we feel something is bound to fail because it's 'too good to last', we might engineer its failure somehow so as to maintain a sense that we are still in control (because we caused it to fail).
- Feeling unworthy. Low self-esteem may drive people to feel they 'don't deserve' success or happiness.
- Bad habits such as excessive drinking, smoking, or uncontrolled anger.
- Need for excitement. It might be an otherwise perfect sunny afternoon and seemingly out of the blue, Joe picks a fight, goes into a silent mood, or drags up some unrelated contentious issue from the past. Suddenly, the afternoon turns into a battleground. The desire for 'excitement' can take different forms, not all of them constructive.
But surely if people know they are doing this, they wouldn't do it!
So is sabotaging ourselves an unconscious affliction?
People seldom mean to sabotage themselves. It's not generally a conscious decision to spoil things - and that's a problem. We can be left with the feeling: "Why did I do that?!" Many of our emotional drivers remain unconscious, which is why chronic self-saboteurs will often use conscious justification (or what seem like excuses) to explain why they had to:
Yell at their professor and get kicked off the course.
Break off contact with a friend who was about to offer them a great job.
End a promising relationship.
Early learning - or should I say mis-learning - can create the habit of self-sabotage and 'things going right' may seem like a scary and foreign country. If you feel you are prone to this sort of behaviour, then these tips may well help you (as long as you let them).
1) Observe yourself
Forget justifying why you did (or didn't do) this or that; just watch yourself. The adage "don't listen to what people say, but watch what they do" to see what they're really like can be applied to yourself equally well. Imagine you're someone else whose behaviour you're watching. Ask yourself: "What did I do there?" and "What was driving it?" Was it fear, spite, the need to be in control (even if that control is related to making things fail), the need for excitement through conflict, or the desire for attention through sympathy?
One client who did this realized that he had been unconsciously reluctant to earn more than his (bullying) father had done when he was alive: "As if I couldn't betray him by being better off than he had been." This realization helped him overcome this limiting belief once he had observed it operating within himself. He decided to actually ignore it until the old compulsion not to succeed became a faint whisper, then died away all together.
What do you sabotage and how? Get to 'know the machine'. Seeing your own behaviour more clearly has nothing to do with over-applied self-blame, but rather being more objective.
2) Remember that success isn't black or white
Strongly imagine (and get into the habit of strongly imagining) what true success will be like, because it may be different from what you'd been unconsciously assuming. Successful relationships, for example, don't work well all of the time; earning good money doesn't solve all problems. Success isn't black or white; it's all relative. So remember that becoming successful (in whatever way) won't feel so strange when it happens, because it is a natural part of being human - but the idea of success may feel strange.
3) Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater
People often self-sabotage because of perfectionism - if it isn't perfect, then what's the point? You may have heard about recent research (1) which showed that people on strict diets, trying to lose weight, will more likely overeat if they feel they have veered off their diet even slightly: "What the hell, I've blown it now. I might as well completely binge!" People not on diets don't do this so much. So if you have a little setback or mini-failure, consciously stop yourself from throwing it all away and seeing the 'whole thing as just ruined' and then really ruining it.
4) Think beyond yourself
Most of us don't like to consider ourselves as selfish, but it is also true to say (not from a judgemental perspective; more of an observational one) that self-sabotage ruins stuff for others and is therefore a selfish behaviour. People so often deny they are behaving selfishly because they don't intend to be selfish. But behaviour is behaviour.
So the lover who feels compelled to end a great relationship hurts another, the co-worker who sabotages a project scuppers it for everyone else, the father who sabotages financial opportunities spoils the chance of a better standard of living for his family, and so on. Once we get into the habit of seeing the needs of the wider group rather than just our own emotional impulses, it actually becomes harder to sabotage situations.
5) Explore life
All of life is an exploration. Imagine if Cinderella had decided she really couldn't go to the ball, even when she had the opportunity; or if the ugly duckling had concluded it wasn't 'good enough' to fly high with the swans. Being open to life means seeing where certain experiences will take you and accepting openly the good as well as the bad. Of course, if something really isn't working or it genuinely isn't for you, that's fine; but if it's really a reluctance to explore life and to experience the good and healthy, then it is an area that needs some self-work.
The mouse in our story failed to observe the bigger picture when he felt compelled to talk, but you're not a mouse (I'm presuming) - so you shouldn't live like one.
1)Research by Janet Polivy and colleagues at the University of Toronto (Polivy et al., 2010) found that in experiments, it turned out that those who were on a diet and thought they'd blown their limit ate more cookies than those who weren't on a diet. In fact, over 50% more! This is an example of self-sabotage as a result of perceived 'failure', which hadn't been that bad anyway.
Source
Wednesday, 24 June 2015
5 Life Skills to Help You Focus on Success
When you first set a goal it’s pretty easy to stay on track. You've got a plan, you’re working the plan and your motivation is strong.
As time goes on, however, it’s not uncommon to start losing your motivation and getting off course. In order to develop the momentum and stamina required to achieve success, there are several life skills you’ll need to focus on.
5 of my favourite life skills to help you focus on success
1) Believe you will succeed. For success to become a reality, it is absolutely crucial that you believe in what you’re doing. This is easy at the beginning because you’re focused on what you stand to gain from achieving your goal. As time goes on, you may gradually forget how excited you were and start to lose that inner fire.
To avoid this possibility, be sure to keep your vision strong and clear in your mind. Visualization, when done right, is among the most powerful of all life skills. Write it out in full detail, or create a visual reminder like a vision board with drawings, paintings or magazine photos that represent your goals. Revisit and focus on these reminders frequently.
2) Have confidence in your abilities. Your confidence may be strong at the start but it can quickly fade when you encounter obstacles or setbacks. If this happens, remember that you once believed that you had the ability to achieve success. Remind yourself why you felt that way.
In fact, you will find it helpful to write these reasons down when you first set a goal, and then keep reading them back to yourself when you feel your confidence starting to fade. Keep in mind that any obstacles or setbacks are temporary and part of the learning curve. Strong confidence in your abilities is enough to propel you through to success.
3) Determination. Believing in your eventual success and your ability to achieve it is a great start, but you also have to be determined to make it happen!
Keep your determination strong by refusing to be held back by obstacles, and reminding yourself daily why your goals are important to you. Determination is like an ember that burns in your belly, refusing to let you give up no matter how rough the going gets. Sometimes determination end up being the key life skill leading to success.
4) Motivation. Staying motivated can also be a challenge, especially once the newness and excitement of your goals have worn off and it’s beginning to feel like “work.”
Nine times out of ten, motivation requires a simple decision to remain optimistic and inspired. Find ways to keep your motivation high if your goal is truly important. Read books by people who have achieved impressive results. Talk to other successful people who have demonstrated tenacity and gone on to achieve amazing results. The more you pump yourself up, the stronger your motivation will stay. Being your own cheerleader is a success life skill.
5) Awareness. Finally, stay on the lookout for any signs of self-sabotaging behaviour or vanishing interest. If you notice that you’re acting in ways that don’t further your goals or support your success, get to the root of the problem quickly so you can get back on track. Be alert to any tendency to undermine your resolve or give up, and deal with it swiftly.
Trust that you can accomplish amazing things
You are capable of success in every area of your life. It’s not about talent, circumstances, or luck. It’s about learning and applying certain life skills and then monitoring your results and making little adjustments in your approach.
Setting goals is something we do naturally. The trouble is, most of us tend to do it almost unconsciously without taking the time to perfect the process. Then, when things don’t turn out the way we had hoped we internalize our disappointment in a way that creates doubt in our own abilities.
Become an advanced student in the school of life
Many people think that qualities like confidence, communication, creativity, motivation, focus, courage, and determination are something you are born with. I believe those qualities are learned life skills that anyone can master if they are willing to apply themselves. These are advanced life skills and the better you become at them, the more successful your life will be.
When we were in school, much of what we learned was difficult to focus on because it had very little practical value. But the kind of life skills we are talking about here have enormous practical value because they can literally transform the quality of your life. Find Your TRUE SELF is a concise guide to learning and applying these specialized life skills.
If you really want to ramp up your level of success, ask yourself this question: Have I made up my mind to become an advanced student in the school of life? If you haven’t yet made that personal commitment then perhaps now would be a good time!
Source
As time goes on, however, it’s not uncommon to start losing your motivation and getting off course. In order to develop the momentum and stamina required to achieve success, there are several life skills you’ll need to focus on.
5 of my favourite life skills to help you focus on success
1) Believe you will succeed. For success to become a reality, it is absolutely crucial that you believe in what you’re doing. This is easy at the beginning because you’re focused on what you stand to gain from achieving your goal. As time goes on, you may gradually forget how excited you were and start to lose that inner fire.
To avoid this possibility, be sure to keep your vision strong and clear in your mind. Visualization, when done right, is among the most powerful of all life skills. Write it out in full detail, or create a visual reminder like a vision board with drawings, paintings or magazine photos that represent your goals. Revisit and focus on these reminders frequently.
2) Have confidence in your abilities. Your confidence may be strong at the start but it can quickly fade when you encounter obstacles or setbacks. If this happens, remember that you once believed that you had the ability to achieve success. Remind yourself why you felt that way.
In fact, you will find it helpful to write these reasons down when you first set a goal, and then keep reading them back to yourself when you feel your confidence starting to fade. Keep in mind that any obstacles or setbacks are temporary and part of the learning curve. Strong confidence in your abilities is enough to propel you through to success.
3) Determination. Believing in your eventual success and your ability to achieve it is a great start, but you also have to be determined to make it happen!
Keep your determination strong by refusing to be held back by obstacles, and reminding yourself daily why your goals are important to you. Determination is like an ember that burns in your belly, refusing to let you give up no matter how rough the going gets. Sometimes determination end up being the key life skill leading to success.
4) Motivation. Staying motivated can also be a challenge, especially once the newness and excitement of your goals have worn off and it’s beginning to feel like “work.”
Nine times out of ten, motivation requires a simple decision to remain optimistic and inspired. Find ways to keep your motivation high if your goal is truly important. Read books by people who have achieved impressive results. Talk to other successful people who have demonstrated tenacity and gone on to achieve amazing results. The more you pump yourself up, the stronger your motivation will stay. Being your own cheerleader is a success life skill.
5) Awareness. Finally, stay on the lookout for any signs of self-sabotaging behaviour or vanishing interest. If you notice that you’re acting in ways that don’t further your goals or support your success, get to the root of the problem quickly so you can get back on track. Be alert to any tendency to undermine your resolve or give up, and deal with it swiftly.
Trust that you can accomplish amazing things
You are capable of success in every area of your life. It’s not about talent, circumstances, or luck. It’s about learning and applying certain life skills and then monitoring your results and making little adjustments in your approach.
Setting goals is something we do naturally. The trouble is, most of us tend to do it almost unconsciously without taking the time to perfect the process. Then, when things don’t turn out the way we had hoped we internalize our disappointment in a way that creates doubt in our own abilities.
Become an advanced student in the school of life
Many people think that qualities like confidence, communication, creativity, motivation, focus, courage, and determination are something you are born with. I believe those qualities are learned life skills that anyone can master if they are willing to apply themselves. These are advanced life skills and the better you become at them, the more successful your life will be.
When we were in school, much of what we learned was difficult to focus on because it had very little practical value. But the kind of life skills we are talking about here have enormous practical value because they can literally transform the quality of your life. Find Your TRUE SELF is a concise guide to learning and applying these specialized life skills.
If you really want to ramp up your level of success, ask yourself this question: Have I made up my mind to become an advanced student in the school of life? If you haven’t yet made that personal commitment then perhaps now would be a good time!
Source
Tuesday, 23 June 2015
10 Steps to Achieve Goals
1) Be specific about what you want to achieve
Most people, don't know what they want to do with their life, and even after thinking hard, they don't come up with something they really want to do. This is one of the main reasons that in spite of so many books on success, most people live an average life.
2) Draw up a plan of action
Devote as much time as you need to find a goal or goals, even minor goals are okay. Not everyone really desires great success and is willing to completely change his/her life. Not everyone desires to be a millionaire, or possesses the talent to make money.
After finding a goal that you really desire to achieve, draw up a plan, being as practical as possible.
3) Make a list of steps
List the steps you need to take, such as signing up for a course, studying, reading, developing the required skills, looking for a job, etc, and other steps you need to implement that will take you closer to achieving your goal.
4) Act, do not be passive
Take action and follow the steps on your list. Don't just wait for things to happen.
5) Read and listen to advice
Read books or articles about what you want to achieve. Meet people who can help you and listen to their advice, but use your common sense and reason before accepting anything.
6) Alternative plans
If a certain plan doesn't work, look for an alternative one.
7) Examine your goals periodically
Some goals aren't worth achieving. Circumstances and people change. Some goals lose their importance. It is a good idea to re-examine your goals regularly and weed out the worthless ones.
8) Repeat affirmations
Affirm with faith and feelings that your goal has already been achieved. If you don't undo your affirmations with doubts and lack of belief, they will be accepted by your subconscious mind, which will then provide you with more desire and motivation.
9) Visualize your goal
Visualization will also affect your subconscious mind, which will keep you motivated, focused on your goal, and more aware of ideas and opportunities.
10) Take action
Don't just affirm and visualize and do nothing. Take any action required to bring your goal into fruition. Follow your intuition, new ideas and opportunities that present themselves, and accept help from other people.
Did you like the article? Please tell your friends about it.
Source
Most people, don't know what they want to do with their life, and even after thinking hard, they don't come up with something they really want to do. This is one of the main reasons that in spite of so many books on success, most people live an average life.
2) Draw up a plan of action
Devote as much time as you need to find a goal or goals, even minor goals are okay. Not everyone really desires great success and is willing to completely change his/her life. Not everyone desires to be a millionaire, or possesses the talent to make money.
After finding a goal that you really desire to achieve, draw up a plan, being as practical as possible.
3) Make a list of steps
List the steps you need to take, such as signing up for a course, studying, reading, developing the required skills, looking for a job, etc, and other steps you need to implement that will take you closer to achieving your goal.
4) Act, do not be passive
Take action and follow the steps on your list. Don't just wait for things to happen.
5) Read and listen to advice
Read books or articles about what you want to achieve. Meet people who can help you and listen to their advice, but use your common sense and reason before accepting anything.
6) Alternative plans
If a certain plan doesn't work, look for an alternative one.
7) Examine your goals periodically
Some goals aren't worth achieving. Circumstances and people change. Some goals lose their importance. It is a good idea to re-examine your goals regularly and weed out the worthless ones.
8) Repeat affirmations
Affirm with faith and feelings that your goal has already been achieved. If you don't undo your affirmations with doubts and lack of belief, they will be accepted by your subconscious mind, which will then provide you with more desire and motivation.
9) Visualize your goal
Visualization will also affect your subconscious mind, which will keep you motivated, focused on your goal, and more aware of ideas and opportunities.
10) Take action
Don't just affirm and visualize and do nothing. Take any action required to bring your goal into fruition. Follow your intuition, new ideas and opportunities that present themselves, and accept help from other people.
Did you like the article? Please tell your friends about it.
Source
Monday, 22 June 2015
Determine What Will Make You Happy by Identifying Your Values
“Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values.”
~Ayn Rand
For too many years, I played the part of the perfect little southern girl: I kept my mouth shut and my opinions to myself. I dressed properly, including tights, slips, and girdles. I didn't laugh too loudly in public. I did what I was told.
You see, I learned at an early age that I had to do this in order to always be seen as a “good little girl” (and avoid getting punished). I continued the same behaviour after I got married, doing what my husband expected of me and keeping up the appearances of a perfect life behind a white picket fence.
I was a mental and emotional chameleon, changing my viewpoints and values to match first those of my parents and then those of my husband. Secretly, inside myself, I had my own dreams and opinions, ideas, and desires. Eventually I realized that in order to be happy, I needed to learn to live outside the box of my upbringing.
When I began to explore my heart’s desires, to find myself through travel, and to see what felt right and wrong to my heart and soul, my life blossomed. I had finally begun creating a life that I loved on my own terms.
Last fall, one of my mentors asked me, “What are your values?” I have to confess that I was stumped. Those on-the-surface questions are really much deeper than they first seem. I'm a coach. I'm a writer. I'm a thinker. It should be easy to answer.
From experience, I knew that if my first response to a question was “I don’t know,” then I was telling myself a little white lie. Somewhere within my heart was the answer, but I hadn't really explored it.
What Are Values?
We all have them—they are as ingrained within us as our blood types or preference for sweet or salty foods. But have you actually defined them? I'm not talking about morals, which are defined by society.
Values are who you are, not who you think you should be in order to fit in.
How Do You Claim Your Values?
I've learned from experience that when we get still and listen to the small voice of our heart, the answers we are seeking will come to us. To claim your values, it’s helpful to have a list to work from.
Brainstorm a list of common (and uncommon) values like abundance, compassion, courage, health, and honour. Set them aside. (You can also do an Internet search for “list of values” or “values clarification exercise.”)
After you have a list of values to choose from, set a timer for three minutes. Read through the list of values and circle every one that your gut says fits you. When the timer goes off, copy all the circled words down into a shiny new list.
This list will be the perfect place to really dig into what your heart tells you about which values are truly yours and cross out any of the values that feel like they belong to others. What a gift of clarity!
Why is Naming Your Values Important?
Values are the backbone of life. They are the beacons on our path—in personal life and in business. When you identify your values and get clear with them, something magical happens: They come alive in ways you haven’t even imagined and illuminate and nurture your entire life from the inside out.
If we don’t know what’s important to us, we spend a lot of time wandering and wondering what we should be doing. There is tremendous power in discovering and living according to our highest values, and experiencing inner peace as the natural consequence.
When actions and values are aligned, life feels content, in harmony with your purpose; you have peace of mind, even in challenging times.
Because, if you aren't clear on your personal values, then how can you figure out what you want really want? And how can you be sure that your actions are congruent with who you are at your core?
I know it seems easier to just go with the flow and see where the current takes us. But going through the process to get clear about your values will allow you to walk the path of your true choosing and help guide you toward a satisfying, happy, and fulfilling life.
Time is a limited resource. Once we spend a day, it’s gone forever. If we waste that day by investing our time in ways that don’t set our soul on fire, then that loss is permanent. I get it. I often get distracted and fall into the trap of differing priorities.
Getting Clear on My Values Enhanced Every Day Living
When I took the time to get clear about what my personal values truly were, I had this incredible yardstick at hand to measure the congruency of my goals.
Passion is a driving force in every area of my world. If I am not passionate about my life, my projects, and each and every client I work with, then I am of no service to others or myself.
Love is a clearly a top value for me. I moved 1,000 miles from the place I used to call home to create a life with my partner in Ohio.
Because I value connection, I keep my client list small. And to blend both love and connection, I work from home and travel often with my partner so that we are together more often.
Clarity around my personal values also has assisted me in making decisions more quickly, and better yet, I've found a greater satisfaction around the decisions I make.
This has created a domino effect of goodness in my world. The values that led me to better decision making and satisfaction around those decisions led me along the path to greater confidence in myself, and an overall feeling of happiness around my day-to-day life.
As far as I'm concerned, happiness is not about perfect big events in life, but about the culmination of those small moments of every day living.
It also allowed me to see the insanity of trying to be the “good little girl” who pleases everyone. Because, what’s the sense in pleasing everyone if you sacrifice yourself in the pursuit?
What Will You Gain by Developing a List of Your Personal Values?
Values serve as a compass so that, day after day, we’re moving closer and closer to our definition of the “best” life we could possibly live.
Once we've named our personal values, it’s easier to identify what’s not helping us achieve a life that we are in love with.
Your values are the building blocks of the type of life you truly want. They will serve as the light that illuminates your path in life. And by having that light, you will discover your way to happiness.
Source
Sunday, 21 June 2015
Thursday, 18 June 2015
Beat your Monkey Mind and Stop Procrastinating
A fun and scientifically founded video about procrastination and more important how to beat it!
Monday, 15 June 2015
Taking Responsibility for Your Actions
When we make excuses or try to blame other people or external factors for the eventual outcome of something, not only are we failing to take responsibility, but we are demonstrating a character trait which is very common in people who fail to succeed in anything.
In shouldering responsibility ourselves, we are giving ourselves the power to shape the outcome ourselves and are therefore taking an active and not a passive role in how the outcome turns out.
Realisation
It’s only when you accept that everything you are or ever will be is up to you, that you are able to get rid of the negativity of excuse making that can so often prevent you from succeeding. You may find yourself in your current position in both your personal and professional life and remain convinced that if all’s not going well, then it’s ‘so and so’s fault’. However, we all have free will which means that we are completely responsible for all of our successes and failures and of our happiness or state of unhappiness.
When we realise this it can, at first, seem like a huge responsibility which we are placing on our shoulders but when you rationalise it and accept that you are responsible for every action you take and every decision you make, that there is virtually nothing that you can’t achieve, have or accomplish if you accept that it’s within yourself and yourself only, to reach your ultimate goal.
Get Out Clauses Don’t Work
One of our biggest problems is that we don’t like to fail and, more importantly, we don’t like to be seen to fail. The problem with that train of thought, however, is that we then tend to set ourselves a goal but at the same time we create an excuse to keep as a ‘spare card’ we can use so that if we don’t succeed, we can blame something or somebody else. However, the more personal responsibility we take, the more in control we are and the more control we have, the more likely we will reach our goal as there will be no excuses to fall back on if we fail.
Therefore, taking responsibility for our actions equals success. It also makes us feel good about ourselves and rids us of negative personality traits such as anger, fear, resentment, hostility and doubt.
Replacing the Negative
If you’ve ever been around somebody who always appears to be ‘down on their luck’, you’ll have noticed that their whole personality seems to be riddled with negative comments and that they have nothing positive to say. It’s quite true that you can’t really hold both a positive and negative feeling at the same time, so by replacing the negative with a positive, it stops you from feeling unhappy as you have come to accept that you are now going to be solely responsible for how you feel, not other people or other external factors.
Accepting Responsibility
Once you accept total responsibility for everything that happens to you in life, you will soon discover that this also enables you to find solutions to life’s difficulties far more quickly.
For example, take work colleagues or someone you are in a personal relationship with. Say you’re having problems with them and it is causing you stress. A negative person who likes to apportion blame might say, “Since I met so and so, it’s been nothing but trouble” whereas somebody who accepts total responsibility might say, “Hang on a moment; I am responsible for having this person or these people in my life. I took that job or I embarked upon this relationship – no-one forced me to.” Therefore, if they’re not happy with the situation and have taken responsibility for it, they are also able to find the solution – in this case, by leaving the job or getting out of an unhealthy relationship.
Similarly, what about those who are feeling bitter because people earn more than they do. Well, whose fault is that? If you accept total responsibility, then you’ll look to do something about it if it’s important to you. Find out how you can earn more money. Speak to others and find out what it is they are doing differently to you then start applying all that knowledge to make the changes you need to make to create the kind of life you want.
In accepting responsibility, you are accepting a willingness to develop your character and in doing that, the stronger your character will become and your life will be improved as a consequence.
Source
In shouldering responsibility ourselves, we are giving ourselves the power to shape the outcome ourselves and are therefore taking an active and not a passive role in how the outcome turns out.
Realisation
It’s only when you accept that everything you are or ever will be is up to you, that you are able to get rid of the negativity of excuse making that can so often prevent you from succeeding. You may find yourself in your current position in both your personal and professional life and remain convinced that if all’s not going well, then it’s ‘so and so’s fault’. However, we all have free will which means that we are completely responsible for all of our successes and failures and of our happiness or state of unhappiness.
When we realise this it can, at first, seem like a huge responsibility which we are placing on our shoulders but when you rationalise it and accept that you are responsible for every action you take and every decision you make, that there is virtually nothing that you can’t achieve, have or accomplish if you accept that it’s within yourself and yourself only, to reach your ultimate goal.
Get Out Clauses Don’t Work
One of our biggest problems is that we don’t like to fail and, more importantly, we don’t like to be seen to fail. The problem with that train of thought, however, is that we then tend to set ourselves a goal but at the same time we create an excuse to keep as a ‘spare card’ we can use so that if we don’t succeed, we can blame something or somebody else. However, the more personal responsibility we take, the more in control we are and the more control we have, the more likely we will reach our goal as there will be no excuses to fall back on if we fail.
Therefore, taking responsibility for our actions equals success. It also makes us feel good about ourselves and rids us of negative personality traits such as anger, fear, resentment, hostility and doubt.
Replacing the Negative
If you’ve ever been around somebody who always appears to be ‘down on their luck’, you’ll have noticed that their whole personality seems to be riddled with negative comments and that they have nothing positive to say. It’s quite true that you can’t really hold both a positive and negative feeling at the same time, so by replacing the negative with a positive, it stops you from feeling unhappy as you have come to accept that you are now going to be solely responsible for how you feel, not other people or other external factors.
Accepting Responsibility
Once you accept total responsibility for everything that happens to you in life, you will soon discover that this also enables you to find solutions to life’s difficulties far more quickly.
For example, take work colleagues or someone you are in a personal relationship with. Say you’re having problems with them and it is causing you stress. A negative person who likes to apportion blame might say, “Since I met so and so, it’s been nothing but trouble” whereas somebody who accepts total responsibility might say, “Hang on a moment; I am responsible for having this person or these people in my life. I took that job or I embarked upon this relationship – no-one forced me to.” Therefore, if they’re not happy with the situation and have taken responsibility for it, they are also able to find the solution – in this case, by leaving the job or getting out of an unhealthy relationship.
Similarly, what about those who are feeling bitter because people earn more than they do. Well, whose fault is that? If you accept total responsibility, then you’ll look to do something about it if it’s important to you. Find out how you can earn more money. Speak to others and find out what it is they are doing differently to you then start applying all that knowledge to make the changes you need to make to create the kind of life you want.
In accepting responsibility, you are accepting a willingness to develop your character and in doing that, the stronger your character will become and your life will be improved as a consequence.
Source
Wednesday, 10 June 2015
The First Rule Of Success And Happiness
Every morning, as you open your eyes to see the light of another day, you should ask two simple questions: What am I doing today? Why am I doing it?
If you are happy with the answers you come up to both questions, get off the bed and enjoy the day. If you are struggling to find the right answers, close your eyes and go over the items on your “do” list a few times.
You may be surprised to discover that the reason you are unhappy is that your list of priorities is upside down. The top of the list may be filled with unimportant and trivial goals, while the important goals have been pushed down to the bottom of the list. Worse, the top of the list may be filled with the right goals — but not for you. For someone else who has been setting your agenda, while the goals that are important for you have been pushed down to the bottom of the list.
Is this what you really want?
Now is the time to open your eyes, see the light of the new day, and get your priorities right! That’s the first rule of success and happiness.
In a free society, the search for a successful and happy life—whatever set of goals it means to each and every one of us–is an innate pursuit. But resources and energies are limited. Different goals cannot be pursued at the same time. They must be carefully prioritized: the goal to be pursued first; the goal to be pursued second, and so on.
And that takes, first and foremost, the freedom in the broadest sense – political, economic, social, and personal – to live your own life rather than somebody else’s.
Then comes a careful consideration of the trade-offs, the sacrifice that comes with each and every choice.
The pursuit of a business opportunity comes with the sacrifice of a steady pay-check and a good sum out of any pocket money to acquire the necessary resources.
The pursuit of a college degree comes with the sacrifice of a full-time job and a good sum out of any pocket money to pay for tuition and books.
The pursuit of a career comes with the sacrifice of the time you could spend with your loved ones.
The pursuit of a marriage comes with the sacrifice of all the good things you could enjoy when single.
The pursuit of speculative investments comes with the sacrifice of the piece of mind that derived from money in the bank.
Addressing these trade-offs and coming up with a list of priorities worth pursuing isn’t an easy thing. It takes vision and foresight to rise over the hills of the present and gaze at the future and see the invisible – the challenges the future presents. Ie, to see the things that are important in each and every stage of your life, and the challenges the future brings your way.
Do you want to see yourself working for someone else and collecting a steady paycheck a few years down the road, or you want to have your own business?
Do you want to see yourself working with your hands or your mind?
Do you see yourself married or single?
Obviously, there are no universal answers to these questions. Some people will choose the former over the latter, while others will choose the later over the former.This means that success and happiness depend on what kind of life each individual wants to live, and whether that individual is prepared to stand the consequences of his or her choices.
People who do not want to make the sacrifices associated with college education, for instance, must be prepared to forgo the job opportunities and the benefits associated with jobs that set a college degree as a prerequisite.
Likewise, people who aren’t prepared to assume the risks associated with the pursuit of a business must be prepared to forgo the benefits that come with financial independence.
In short, getting priorities right is a mater of basic economics and basic philosophy.
Economics sets the objective parameters of the choices we make. It explains and estimates the sacrifices we make when we chose to pursue one goal over another. Philosophy sets the subjective parameters of choice and explains why each goal deserves to be on our “do list,” and whether the sacrifices involved are worth making.
Really interesting article, hope you enjoyed it just as much as I did!
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If you are happy with the answers you come up to both questions, get off the bed and enjoy the day. If you are struggling to find the right answers, close your eyes and go over the items on your “do” list a few times.
You may be surprised to discover that the reason you are unhappy is that your list of priorities is upside down. The top of the list may be filled with unimportant and trivial goals, while the important goals have been pushed down to the bottom of the list. Worse, the top of the list may be filled with the right goals — but not for you. For someone else who has been setting your agenda, while the goals that are important for you have been pushed down to the bottom of the list.
Is this what you really want?
Now is the time to open your eyes, see the light of the new day, and get your priorities right! That’s the first rule of success and happiness.
In a free society, the search for a successful and happy life—whatever set of goals it means to each and every one of us–is an innate pursuit. But resources and energies are limited. Different goals cannot be pursued at the same time. They must be carefully prioritized: the goal to be pursued first; the goal to be pursued second, and so on.
And that takes, first and foremost, the freedom in the broadest sense – political, economic, social, and personal – to live your own life rather than somebody else’s.
Then comes a careful consideration of the trade-offs, the sacrifice that comes with each and every choice.
The pursuit of a business opportunity comes with the sacrifice of a steady pay-check and a good sum out of any pocket money to acquire the necessary resources.
The pursuit of a college degree comes with the sacrifice of a full-time job and a good sum out of any pocket money to pay for tuition and books.
The pursuit of a career comes with the sacrifice of the time you could spend with your loved ones.
The pursuit of a marriage comes with the sacrifice of all the good things you could enjoy when single.
The pursuit of speculative investments comes with the sacrifice of the piece of mind that derived from money in the bank.
Addressing these trade-offs and coming up with a list of priorities worth pursuing isn’t an easy thing. It takes vision and foresight to rise over the hills of the present and gaze at the future and see the invisible – the challenges the future presents. Ie, to see the things that are important in each and every stage of your life, and the challenges the future brings your way.
Do you want to see yourself working for someone else and collecting a steady paycheck a few years down the road, or you want to have your own business?
Do you want to see yourself working with your hands or your mind?
Do you see yourself married or single?
Obviously, there are no universal answers to these questions. Some people will choose the former over the latter, while others will choose the later over the former.This means that success and happiness depend on what kind of life each individual wants to live, and whether that individual is prepared to stand the consequences of his or her choices.
People who do not want to make the sacrifices associated with college education, for instance, must be prepared to forgo the job opportunities and the benefits associated with jobs that set a college degree as a prerequisite.
Likewise, people who aren’t prepared to assume the risks associated with the pursuit of a business must be prepared to forgo the benefits that come with financial independence.
In short, getting priorities right is a mater of basic economics and basic philosophy.
Economics sets the objective parameters of the choices we make. It explains and estimates the sacrifices we make when we chose to pursue one goal over another. Philosophy sets the subjective parameters of choice and explains why each goal deserves to be on our “do list,” and whether the sacrifices involved are worth making.
Really interesting article, hope you enjoyed it just as much as I did!
Source
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